Can I have sex while rebooting
Can I have sex during my reboot ? Is it OK to have sex with girlfriend while rebooting?
This article is written from the perspective of being a heterosexual male. I know there are women who also are rebooting from porn addiction and I will get to that in another blog post. Right now though, let’s look at the question many rebooting men are asking…
Sex While rebooting
Is it okay?
If you are going through a reboot from porn and perhaps you are suffering from mild to more severe P.I.E.D (porn induced erectile dysfunction) then you are probably, like most guys are, asking yourself any of the following questions…
- Can I have when I am rebooting
- Is it ok to have sex with viagra during my reboot?
- Will sex during my reboot slow down my progress?
- Can I have orgasms during my reboot?
I started my own reboot in the year 2012 and since then I have learned a lot from personal experience as well as doing a bunch of research on sexuality, the brain and addiction related brain changes.
It is very understandable that the rebooter are thinking about, worrying and wants the answers to the questions above. In this article I will give my personal view and advice….
… for sure, I do remember asking myself those questions during my own reboot.
FIRST, how severe is your porn addiction?
Before we can look at the best ways to go about sex during the reboot we have to know HOW big your issues with porn. Take a look at the four categories and put yourself in the one that come closest at describing your current situaiton.
Identify in which category you best belong: (does not have to fit exactly)
- I masturbate to porn every day and most days my thoughts are consumed by porn and orgasming. If I try to stop, I relapse almost right away.
- I masturbate and look at porn a couple of times a week. I have been trying to reboot but I end up relapsing after a few days.
- I am rebooting and trying to stop looking at porn but I relapse and masturbate to porn about once a week and sometimes I manage to go a bit longer than a week.
- I am rebooting and I want to stop masturbating to porn. I’m doing quite well but I relapse perhaps once or twice a month.
Do your best to choose one of those categories. Not because we humans should put ourselves in categories BUT because for the purpose of making this article easy to understand and so that I can give the best answer to your question if it’s ok for you to have sex during your reboot.
SECOND, Let’s define “sex”
Ok so now that you have decided if you are in the category 1,2,3 or 4, we should also talk a bit about what we mean when we say “have sex”. For some people it is considered as “having sex” if they are:
- Kissing and using hands and fingers
- Engage in oral sex
- And for others only “penetrative sex / intercourse” is what defines sex.
Keep reading and you will see why we want to first make that clear…
… just as we wanted to determine in which of the 4 categories you belong.
Here are the answers you are looking for:
Disclaimer: of course there are no 100% correct answer that will guarantee success for everyone. Rebooting is not an exact science and nothing is set in stone. That said I have a lot of personal experience with this and I have read a lot of research as well as having studied anecdotal “evidence” for years and based on that…
…I know that those who are rebooting would like a specific answer and some general guidelines to follow so here goes:
IF you belong in category 1 then you should NOT be having sex right now!
I do not even recommend finding a partner just for hugging and cuddling with at this stage. Your mind is so consumed with “how to get artificial dopamine spikes” that have nothing to do with real sex at this point that trying to “rewire” or find a partner would inevitable lead to great disappointment. Disappointment for either you or the other person…
…most likely for both of you.
Your strategy at this level:
You need to practice rebooting more and really get serious about it. Set as a goal to get up to at least 21 days clean (three weeks) before you reconsider having sex while rebooting. Then come back and read this page. This is your future we are talking about here. Do whatever it takes to get the momentum going!
If you want more tips on how to stop watching pornograpy I wrote an article on exactly how to do that. You can find that article here >> how to stop watching pornography
IF you belong in category 2 then you can cuddle and “play” but do not have penetrative sex yet
The sooner we can start rewiring our brains to real people the better. (Except for those in category nr 1, that is too soon). We need to start practicing for “the real thing”…
…however, you are still engaging in way too much online porn and are therefore not only wired to artificial sexual stimuli but your reward center in your brain are probably also very desensitised right now. This is why I think you should wait a bit longer before you try to go for penetrative sex. Again and again, over and over, I have seen how “trying to force an erection” will only prolong the reboot process…. thus leading to more frustration and suffering.
Your strategy at this level:
Physical contact is encouraged. Nothing wrong with cuddling, kissing and using mouth, fingers and having fun but do not try to force an erection at this point. That will only slow your reboot down significantly.
IF you belong in category 3 then you can have penetrative sex IF it feels right
If it feels right are the key words here. If you have to force an erection with, for example, death grip hand masturbation, then you are still not ready to have sex. On the other hand, if you feel a moderate to high arousal, and a response in your penis, then that should be the natural signal for you to “go for it”.
…at this point you should expect and also do your best to accept a sluggish erection. TIt is OK. Try not to worry about it because, in this stage of the reboot, performance anxiety will most likely also be a big factor in how everything plays out. Never judge your “performance”! First because it should not be viewed as a “performance” ,and second, there are too many factors that play a role in how the event goes.
Your strategy at this level:
Go for sex and don’t give up if you were to fail your first attempts. Try to enjoy the moment and try to be mindful. At this stage you are very vulnerable to performance anxiety and that alone can make penetrative sex more difficult. Having slow sex without ejaculation could be the best strategy at this point, however, don’t worry if you happen to orgasm. If that happens then enjoy it and try not to worry about it.
Use extra help if you need it (read the tips, tricks and advice part of this article, down below)
IF you belong in category 4 then penetrative sex is definitely encouraged
You are now in a reboot stage when waiting more won’t necessary make it any easier to get started with having real sex. Of course you can give it more time before you attempt sex, but you should know, that waiting too long, may increase the risk of getting the ball rolling with having successful sex.
Your strategy at this level:
Go for sex and don’t give up if you were to fail your first attempts. You can have orgasms if you want to but monitor how they affect you. If you find that they will set you back (for example if you notice that they will kill your libido and sex drive for a long time after) then you could try to have slow intercourse without ejaculating.
Use extra help if you need it (read the tips, tricks and advice a part of this article below)
4 Helpful Tips/Advice If You Are Attempting Sex During Reboot
1) Perform oral sex on her before attempting penetration!
Before you attempt penetration I recommend you go down on your girl. This has several benefits. First one is of course that you will make her even more aroused. She will also become more open and wet…
…when you are going down on her, make sure you are using plenty of saliva on your tongue. Deliberately try to make your mouth as wet as possible and be sure to let it drip down on her, while you are licking. This is because it is SO much more easy to penetrate a super wet girl than if she is not as wet…
…this is especially true if we are struggling with maintaining an erection and we are only semi-hard. It can sometimes be almost impossible to penetrate is you have a sluggish erection and your girlfriend is not wet enough so do not forget this tip.
Don’t worry! She won’t notice that you are using extra much saliva. In my experience the girls, more often than not, gets happy about how aroused they must be because of how wet they are. And IF she noticed, she probably would not mind at all anyway.
Another benefit of this is that it will also make YOU more aroused and ready for when the penetration takes place.
2) Keep the condom close and good to go!!!
Putting the condom on is perhaps the most crucial moment. In fact that goes for all guys and not only for rebooters attempting sex. The last thing you want to do is to have to get up from the bed, walk a few meters, search for a condom and lose momentum.
Know exactly in what pocket you have the condom and make sure you undress in a way that your clothes are very close to the bed (or wherever you are having sex). You should be able to reach for the condom, open the package and put the condom on your penis in just a few seconds….
…if you have not already done so, I recommend practicing this a few times when you are alone. Practice opening a few packs, and even more importantly, practice putting a few condoms on your penis. With the right technique this should only take 4-6 seconds max. Those seconds are important when not fully rebooted because one of the biggest problems a rebooter has is maintaining, and keeping, his erection.
3) Use some extra “help” if you feel you need something to boost your confidence!
“Is it ok to have sex with viagra during reboot?” is a question a LOT of guys on the reboot/porn addiction forums ask. My answer to this is twofold:
- For the rebooting process and for getting started with having real sex, in other words to rewrie our brains to real sex instead of artificial stimuli, it is OK to use viagra. For most people it will NOT hurt OR slow down the reboot and it can even be very helpful to get going.
- However, when in comes to effectiveness and potential harmful, physical, side effects, I would NOT speak so highly of using viagra during your reboot…or at any other time for that matter. Prescription drugs always comes with some kind of risks or side effects.
Here’s the deal:
I attempted sex during my own reboot quite a few times. I went the the doctor and I was honest about the situation and…
…after a few very embarrassing minutes, got the prescription for “the real deal”…VIAGRA!
So how did Viagra work for me?
While the viagra did help somewhat to maintain my erection, which was useful when changing positions, and the seconds it took to struggle with putting the condom on, it did nothing for my libido or sex drive. I was also pretty disappointed that it did NOT work so well for making my erections harder. I Still had very sluggish erections even with the viagra…
…this is not surprising because porn induced ED is a brain change, affecting several things in the brain and viagra, as we all know, only helps with blood flow. and after all…
…porn induced sexual issues are not blood flow problems.
I found a natural supplement that worked better than viagra for me
I’m the kind of guy that loves experimenting with different things so I tried a lot of other stuff as well and after spending a lot of money on different stuff I found one supplement, in particular, that worked surprisingly well for my erections. To my big surprise it even out-performed the prescription viagra…
…my guess is that’s because it has got ingredients in it that works for both blood flow as well as for arousal in the brain, and because of that, now the penis gets more and stronger “arousal signals” and thus works much better. Combining that with the blood flow enhancing ingredients in the supplement, it actually worked amazingly well.
The arousal part helps with getting the erection and the blood flow part helps with maintaning the erection while putting on condom, changing positions, etc.
Another thing I liked about the supplement was that it made me more horny. I liked this very much since, during most of my reboot years, I had problems with very low libido…and that was not a fun feeling at all.
If you would like to know more about the supplement I have written a short post about them. If interested you can click here to go read my post about the sexual enhancer and learn where to find it
What happens if I have a failed sex during reboot?
4) Have the right mindset
You have to realize that failed sex is normal and the risk of it happening when you are rebooting, honestly…well…
… the risk it’s pretty high unfortunately!
This is because the rebooter, first, have to struggle with sexual issues (P.I.E.D and arousal problems etc.) and, second, performance anxiety. Both of those can alone be enough to not being able to perform the way you would like.
If this happens then it is important that you do not beat yourself up. Try to not be too hard on yourself and just keep trying again. You should NOT give up and shy away from trying because that will only increase your anxiety to very high levels when you finally do go for it.
Also, if you happen to fail at penetration, don’t leave the situation and your girl. Keep cuddling and playing with here. This is important for her and for you as well. Storming out of the bedroom in a state of fury will only make it psychologically worse for you in the future.
Will my reboot take longer if having sex while rebooting? Wouldn’t the best thing be to abstain completely?
As much as I would like to present you with some exact science about how the brain heals while having sex during reboot, I can’t.
Because there are non!
There are, however, a lot of anecdotal stories and my believe is that completely abstaining from REAL SEX for a very long time is NOT the best way to go about it. For sure there are many rebooters who have done it that way with great success, however…
…we have to keep in mind that most people relapse during their reboot and having the mindset “I MUST first go 180 days completely clean, free from orgasm and ANYTHING sexual” can be extremely destructive….
…first because longer is not always better and, second, because if the rebooter keeps relapsing he might never get to start trying with real partners only to keep relapsing and…
…leaving him severely depressed for months, and most likely, even years.
This, as you understand, is to be avoided at all costs so:
Even if it were to be a bit too soon for the desensitised sexual center in the brain to start having sex, it is a much better route to take.
And the thing is I don’t think, even when it comes to the brain, that waiting too long would heal the damage made from years of masturbationg to internet porn any faster. I think it is FAR MORE IMPORTANT to rewire than to focus on “healing” desensitization. The reversing of the desensitization will happen of its own as we go about our new pornfree life.
Sex During Reboot Final Words
When in doubt of what to do, in general having sex when rebooting is more healthy than destructive for your reboot process. So with that in mind, I’d say Go for it!
I can’t stress this enough:
When having sex while rebooting we should also be looking at it as practicing for the real sport instead of playing the sport on our computer. It is OK to struggle a bit in the beginning. No one jumped in a became a NHL pro the first few times they entered the ice hockey rink. This is just the way it is and that is no reason for you not to be able to enjoy the sex.
Look at it as practice and not performance and enjoy the process and progress. Forget worrying how long it will take until you are “fully healed”…
…by doing this it will, ironically, also give you the fastest results.
A paradox my friends. A true paradox.
Also, read the article “nofap when does libido come back”