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How To Stop Being Embarrassed About The Past / Yourself And Everything
Learning how to deal with embarrassment and shame is something that many people want to do. So is this something that can be done? Is it a difficult thing to master or is it even possible.
In this article I will dive into that so if fear of embarrassment is something you struggle with, you definitely want to spend a few minutes here.
How To Stop Being Embarrassed About Everything
If you are wondering how to stop reliving embarrassed moments, then you have at some point been planting seeds of shame into your subconscious mind.
What do I mean?
Well, feelings of shame can never really get its grip around us unless we think of something (a situation, something about our body, something we did or experienced) while we at the same time do any of the following…
- Resist the uncomfortable feeling of shame
- Trying to hide the truth
- Trying to hide ourselves in some way
- Trying to hide the very fact that we feel embarrassed
Can you see what all those have in common?
That’s right, they are all the opposite of acceptance. As far from it as it’s possible to go…
…and they all make the feelings of shame and embarrassment 10x worse. Yes, there are research about how resisting emotions actually only makes them stronger.
The phenomena is called “the ironic rebound”
(If you would like to learn more about how the ironic rebound works then I highly recommend reading the book The willpower instinct, click the link to find it on Amazon, by Kelly McGonigal. It is honestly the best book I have ever read in my entire life, when it comes to learning how to control ourselves)
Here’s the deal:
So, if all those things makes it that much worse, then the solution would be to avoid doing them.
But how do we avoid “avoiding”?
Well, by doing what scares us the most, going AGAINST the emotions.
This is done by adapting the mindset of totally owning everything about us. And, when I say owning, I mean 100% acceptance about everything about ourselves and everything…
- The pimple on your nose
- Your skinny arms
- Your beer belly
- The way your hand shakes when you lift the coffee cup
- The redness in your face when people ask you about your girlfriend
- The night you got drunk and puked in your friends purse
…I think you get the picture. It is possible to take complete, 100% ownership of whatever it is. This sound scary because, after all, those are the very things that we try to run from. The very things we so desperately wish would disappear…
…the very things we try, or want to hide.
Want to hide, AHAAA, there’s the very core of the problem. You see, by hiding a situation, our face, our emotions etc, we are planting a seed of shame into our subconscious mind, telling it that we are not good enough to show to the world.
This will without a doubt lead to a much lower self-esteem, which in turn makes us feel more ashamed and embarrassed and makes us want to hide even more.
Can you see the vicious cycle there?
I’m sure you can!
So I hope you see that, the more we try to resist the worse it gets. You can NOT break a vicious cycle by resisting and fighting AGAINST it.
How To Stop Reliving Embarrassing Moments
I hope you believe me when I say, the ONLY way to get out of the shame and embarrassment loop is to OWN everything about you, the uncomfortable situation, your past and…
…everything!
100% ownership may sound scary at first, and sure, it does not mean it will take away all your feelings of shame but it will make it so much better because you are now getting out of that negative loop.
This will also help you overcome your fear of embarrassment.
This is the only way to do it and, even though I said it may not help you to 100% overcome your feelings of shame, it is not uncommon to find that it actually does!
How To Deal With Embarrassment And Shame
Ask The Right Questions
Ask and you shall receive!
This might sounds like something just pulled straight from the bible, but when it comes to your brain, there is nothing religious about those words.
You see, everytime you ask yourself a question, your brain will automatically try to find an answer to it. This means that if you ask yourself questions, like…
- Why do I keep getting embarrassed?
- Why do I always have to be embarrassed?
…then your brain will only try to find more “evidence” for you being embarrassed. This will only reinforce your problems.
Steer Your Brain Like This Instead
So, if asking questions will automatically make your brain try to find answers, then why not start asking better questions, like…
- What can I do to feel more comfortable about this situation?
- What can I say, to lighten up the tension here?
- What can I do to take complete ownership here?
I hope you understand how this works.
Once you realize that it’s a paradox, you can start walking on the path of total ownership, with confidence that your life will improve. By fully owning everything about yourself your self-esteem will skyrocket. But, of course…
…it will take some practice to learn this. Consider it a journey that you embark upon right now and then you WILL start seeing yourself grow…
…day by day, week by week.
Thank you for reading the article “how to stop being embarrassed and ashamed” and, as always…
…keep going and stay strong!
-Scandinavian Bob-
P.S. If you haven’t already done so, please consider subscribing to my YouTube channel by clicking this link. The videos are all about how to deal with anxiety, slef doubt AND other cool self-improvement tips.